Valentine’s Day a Terrible Choice for Marriage Proposals
Proposals made under pressure can start couples off toward a rocky future
Tuesday, February 07, 2012
(San Diego) – Other than Cupid, there’s no one better qualified to give Valentine’s Day advice than San Diego’s most prominent family law attorney, whose birthday happens to Valentine’s Day.
Myra Chack Fleischer, lead counsel and Family Law Expert, Fleischer & Ravreby, says society’s expectations for Valentine’s Day puts way too much pressure on couples, especially men. She says many men find themselves in a bind, feeling forced to make promises they aren’t ready to keep, including marriage proposals.
“It’s a horrible idea to propose on Valentine’s Day just because you think it’s expected,” said Fleischer. “Women, you need to think twice about putting your partner under that kind of pressure. Why would you want someone to propose when he feels like he has a gun to his head? If the proposal isn’t truly at the right time of free will, it isn’t worth much.
“It’s unwise to begin a lifetime together this way. Marriage is difficult enough and this puts any couple at a disadvantage,” said Flesicher. “I recommend choosing another day that isn’t so loaded with stress and anxiety, and make it your own.”
Fleischer also advises couples whether married or not to lighten up and put Valentine’s Day in its proper context. “Some people enjoy making Valentine’s Day a celebration of love and that’s wonderful,” said Fleischer. “But too many others feel obligated to “come through” with the grand gesture. When someone fails to meet their partner’s expectations, it can hurt the relationship.
“One day a year does not a love affair make,” says Fleischer. “I see it far too often when dealing with divorces. You can’t make the big show of affection or come up with flowers on Valentine’s Day and think your relationship is “taken care of” until same time next year. When couples forget to make each other feel important the other 364 days of the year, the relationship is in big trouble,” said Fleischer.
Fleischer says it’s nearly impossible for the average person to live up to the hearts and flowers hype of Valentine’s Day. “Men in particular will do nearly anything to stay out of trouble, sending flowers only because their girlfriend or wife will be angry if they don’t. This is ridiculous and it’s a little bit sad.”
“I see the end result daily of couples failing to value their relationships,” said Fleischer. “People get divorced because they grow apart. Yes, there is domestic violence, or infidelity. But a lot of divorces happen due to the simple fact people take their relationships for granted.